The very first post on this blog is about how we overcome situations overtime.. How we grow up, how things, priorities, thoughts and feelings change. I created this account on blogger after watching a movie, 500 Days of Summer. With the motive of turning a lady into literature, I decided to go public. Decided to write a blog on my two year long love story.
I started. One fine day, like any other young boy in school, I had one of those regular break ups with my girlfriend, perhaps the last one and I was down. Thinking of all that I had done for her. Each one of those acts felt like a sacrifice on my part. I had made her projects, I had taught her Physics, Maths, Computer Science, English, made Maggie for her, got the recharges done, din't focus on my own studies, gave tutions to her younger brother in 3rd standard. Finally in our Chemistry exam, a subject I never liked, I asked her for help, to which she replied, "Shonu, ab apna apna padhte hain.." :P Results came, she scored more than me in the Board Exams for all the papers, except Chemistry.
We went to different colleges and she left me for another guy. A smarter one. "Kisi aur ke liye chod diya yaar..", "Itna kuch kiya tha..", "Am I a piece of trash?", "Did she just use me and dumped me?", "Mko koi aur ladki kyu nhi achi lagi?". This was what was going through my head. I'd wake up at 4 in the morning with my heart throbbing in my chest. Listen to songs like Tanhayi from Dil Chahta hai and go for early morning runs in Delhi.
On a healthy note, it helped me. I lost some 18 kgs of weight in 45 days and was back in shape. Cleared my SSB interview for the National Defence Academy in the 129 Course. Though I had to leave the academy for medical reasons, but I did bounce back quite well. After this, things got better, I joined Fergusson College for BSc after reading about another ExNDA Karthik Iyer who later cracked the UPSC exam with a brilliant AIR 7.
Well all this suffering and bouncing back of a school boy was not the point of writing this down. The point was that none of it matters now. It was stupid of me to think so much. Now, I'm happy and those runs and suffering makes me laugh. That Board Exam result doesn't make any difference. Arey relationship me tha toh padha rha tha, koi ehsaan thodi kar rha tha. That it wasn't her fault. That it happens, I understand, and there's none to be blamed. And all these realizations did not happen in one night. It took time. Growing up takes time.
I really understood why a girl might be in a confused state about two guys at the same time. One who is far away from her and still trying to be with her, making constant efforts to prolong the span of their togetherness, and another one who is actually there like a friend, making constant efforts to please her and is a kind of person she now wants to be with. And this doesn't mean that she wants to let go off the first guy. It's just that she's no more the same person, that she has evolved, she still loves him for what he has done for her. And their is nothing wrong with her. Sometimes girls themselves don't realise this and it becomes difficult for them to communicate with their loved ones. They feel that they are bitches and it forms a bad impression of their character. Too scared to hurt others with the truth, so they keep on hurting themselves in an effort to make everyone happy, with lies.
Now there are two reasons as to how I was able to understand this to an extent. One. I have friends and cousins who are girls and who find a safe place in me to share their troubles. Trust me, they are all the same. :P Two. I've myself been in a position of both the guys; the long distance hero trying to stick around to his girl and the friend of a girl where both of you are falling for each other but then you come to know she has that hero too, and she's the one who is in trouble, unsure about what to do. Since I knew how it feels being the first guy; in my case, when I was the second guy, I chose to walk away and kill her confusion. I understand that both of us(me and her) wanted to be together, but I dint want to hurt that guy. It might be a bad move on my part. May be too cruel. But it had hurt me too, because walking away from a person you're deeply into isn't always easy. (Another realisation: I came to know that I was actually into her, and not fooling around was because I could write for her.) But that's how I could learn another lesson, "It wasn't her fault. She was in trouble."..
I've a lot lying ahead of me in life. There's so much to read out there, so much more to learn, a million unseen paths to travel, fears to overcome, experiences to share. And to grow. Grow well.
Tomorrow is another important day, and I'll be starting my hunt for CAT 2015. I write almost everyday so I'll try and post all the updates and see myself grow. Get into an IIM. I would love to make it to the merit list this time. And most importantly don't blame anything upon anyone like the politicians of this country. Bcz I believe, I control the consequences of everything around me.
I started. One fine day, like any other young boy in school, I had one of those regular break ups with my girlfriend, perhaps the last one and I was down. Thinking of all that I had done for her. Each one of those acts felt like a sacrifice on my part. I had made her projects, I had taught her Physics, Maths, Computer Science, English, made Maggie for her, got the recharges done, din't focus on my own studies, gave tutions to her younger brother in 3rd standard. Finally in our Chemistry exam, a subject I never liked, I asked her for help, to which she replied, "Shonu, ab apna apna padhte hain.." :P Results came, she scored more than me in the Board Exams for all the papers, except Chemistry.
We went to different colleges and she left me for another guy. A smarter one. "Kisi aur ke liye chod diya yaar..", "Itna kuch kiya tha..", "Am I a piece of trash?", "Did she just use me and dumped me?", "Mko koi aur ladki kyu nhi achi lagi?". This was what was going through my head. I'd wake up at 4 in the morning with my heart throbbing in my chest. Listen to songs like Tanhayi from Dil Chahta hai and go for early morning runs in Delhi.
On a healthy note, it helped me. I lost some 18 kgs of weight in 45 days and was back in shape. Cleared my SSB interview for the National Defence Academy in the 129 Course. Though I had to leave the academy for medical reasons, but I did bounce back quite well. After this, things got better, I joined Fergusson College for BSc after reading about another ExNDA Karthik Iyer who later cracked the UPSC exam with a brilliant AIR 7.
Well all this suffering and bouncing back of a school boy was not the point of writing this down. The point was that none of it matters now. It was stupid of me to think so much. Now, I'm happy and those runs and suffering makes me laugh. That Board Exam result doesn't make any difference. Arey relationship me tha toh padha rha tha, koi ehsaan thodi kar rha tha. That it wasn't her fault. That it happens, I understand, and there's none to be blamed. And all these realizations did not happen in one night. It took time. Growing up takes time.
I really understood why a girl might be in a confused state about two guys at the same time. One who is far away from her and still trying to be with her, making constant efforts to prolong the span of their togetherness, and another one who is actually there like a friend, making constant efforts to please her and is a kind of person she now wants to be with. And this doesn't mean that she wants to let go off the first guy. It's just that she's no more the same person, that she has evolved, she still loves him for what he has done for her. And their is nothing wrong with her. Sometimes girls themselves don't realise this and it becomes difficult for them to communicate with their loved ones. They feel that they are bitches and it forms a bad impression of their character. Too scared to hurt others with the truth, so they keep on hurting themselves in an effort to make everyone happy, with lies.
Now there are two reasons as to how I was able to understand this to an extent. One. I have friends and cousins who are girls and who find a safe place in me to share their troubles. Trust me, they are all the same. :P Two. I've myself been in a position of both the guys; the long distance hero trying to stick around to his girl and the friend of a girl where both of you are falling for each other but then you come to know she has that hero too, and she's the one who is in trouble, unsure about what to do. Since I knew how it feels being the first guy; in my case, when I was the second guy, I chose to walk away and kill her confusion. I understand that both of us(me and her) wanted to be together, but I dint want to hurt that guy. It might be a bad move on my part. May be too cruel. But it had hurt me too, because walking away from a person you're deeply into isn't always easy. (Another realisation: I came to know that I was actually into her, and not fooling around was because I could write for her.) But that's how I could learn another lesson, "It wasn't her fault. She was in trouble."..
I've a lot lying ahead of me in life. There's so much to read out there, so much more to learn, a million unseen paths to travel, fears to overcome, experiences to share. And to grow. Grow well.
Tomorrow is another important day, and I'll be starting my hunt for CAT 2015. I write almost everyday so I'll try and post all the updates and see myself grow. Get into an IIM. I would love to make it to the merit list this time. And most importantly don't blame anything upon anyone like the politicians of this country. Bcz I believe, I control the consequences of everything around me.
